my month in photos. 4.20.2023

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life as it does has taken us by storm over the last month. one foot in front of the other and we seem to be out the other side. grateful for friends, doggos, and the natural world.

rescue baby

family portrait, minus the felines.

I'M new around here

bring me dead flowers

frozen morning, melting

little one

pro-roe homo in maricopa county

desert green

palm medicine

love tree

spring morning moon

morning routine

upside down goof

tree selfie

stonewall daffodils

angel from arizona

trying something new.

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mondays & fridays

in the midst of life turning itself upside, change is our only constant after all, i am trying to keep my focus. continue showing up for me so that i have more for others when they need me.

half of our seed order has arrived. i need to go up to my mothers house to pick up all the seed starting supplies she is donating to our cause. we have been asked to be a part of the community garden tour this july.

so this is a little reminder to do what you need so that you can show up for others. put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.

tea + tarot

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last week was a bit of a blur, so i am sitting with last weeks tarot pull a bit longer, allowing myself grace and flexibility as we navigate the death of shelley’s father.

the mage has arrived two weeks in a row in my weekly pull. it was a reminder that i have what it takes to do things i want. i can manifest them now rather than waiting and this week as it appeared again, i am reminded that all of the tools i need to survive this whirlwind of travel and emotion are at my disposal because they are mine, within me. they are not external. i may need a few props, tarot cards, water or a tennis ball to roll on my back so i can sit through another flight, but it is my decision making, my choices that hold me. i can choose to ignore my needs, or i choose to support them. it may not look the way i thought it would, seems to be a theme simmering to the top of this year so far, but i don’t need it to look or feel a certain way i just need to maintain my connection to what it is i need in order to survive, thrive and create.

like i said, marching forward despite expectations being altered due to circumstance seems to be a theme of this year and i am proud of myself for recognizing this and not just throwing in the towel as i have previously.

my ability to do so is supported by the card of the year, the chariot, i am sure.

love in the face of difference.

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oof. it’s been a bit of a roller coaster of my own making the past two weeks. well sort of my own making. we went on vacation and while we were in CA shelley’s father passed away. he was in hospice, so it was not a surprise but none the less it kicked into gear an entire plan and set of travel circumstance that has left us exhausted. and its not over! we had planned last year, to go skiing with shelley’s family in utah next week.

my family is holding down the fort at home. taking care of our four leggeds, making sure the frozen pipes don’t burst in the coldest weather the northeast has experienced in decades. collecting our mail and watering plants.

family. we are blessed with both blood and chosen family that holds us, grounds us and reminds us of what it is we need. i always appreciate a text from a friend reminding me that such and such will make it easier, or providing a laugh when sadness seems to be the only emotion i know.

this past weekend as shelley’s family gathered in remembrance of shelley’s father i was overwhelmed by the love and gratitude i felt for my in laws and the enormous extended family i am honored to be a part of, despite differences in understanding of how the universe functions, and how we live our lives there was a undercurrent of care, love and gratitude for one another. while there might not always be room for our politics in the same room, it is possible to love those who disagree about fundamentals of existence. if we lean into the love then the fear and difference isn’t such a big deal, we are human after all and i believe that our inherent nature is to find common ground with one another, even in the face of todays media culture that tells us we are so deeply divided that there is no way across, love is the way across that divide.

practicing love in the face of difference is hard, exhausting and deeply rewarding. it is not about sacrificing ourselves, it is about creating boundaries, communicating them clearly, letting others opinions become obsolete in the face of saving your energy.

we may not agree with what it is that others are doing, believe, or preach, but we can find ways to share and express love with them in spite of it. that is our way forward. in grief, in politics, in climate change, in our families chosen and blood.

don’t get me wrong, i love to argue my political beliefs, and i am more relaxed in a group of people who understand fundamental human rights the same way i do, but it is possible to find bridges through others difference, and it is satisfying and heart warming to know that folx who may not agree with me being gay can give me a hug and invite me into their home because they enjoyed a conversation i had with them about vegetable gardening.

it is in this way that i hope to be a beacon of example. that living in my heart, rather than my brain leads us to connection.

tea & tarot

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the star & the mage

1.25.2023

these two cards are very pretty.

i like the way they make me feel. the tarot isnt always so comfortable.

but these two have me recognizing the healing calm of devotion. how deeply we can love ourselves when we create action in honor of our selves. and if we invite the chariot, the card of the year to this pull, then we have even more action in direction of our most honest values. we must remember our hope, our agency and our commitment to ourselves as we move with decisive actions.

with a wide mouth jar full of cold nettle tea,

cat star

bringing sexy back. showing up for self love.

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justin timberlake is not someone i thought i had a deep connection with but recently i realized his music is wrapped within a few foundational memories i have of feeling sexy, powerful and full of love for myself, a rare occurance when i was young. i wont bore you with the angsty memories of steamy summer night drives, but lets just say that when the universe told me my five year plan till 50 was called; bringin’ sexy back, i listened. hello jt. we meet again.

so my brother and i were born 3.5 years apart. which means that for half the year i am four years older than him. which also means that when his birthday arrives in june and we celebrate him with strawberry shortcake for dinner, my birthday is six months away. i love calendars and projects that fit withing time frames, i always give myself the gift of 30 days of walks that start the month before my birthday, and this year i realized at my brothers birthday that i was six months away from being five years away from 50!

welcome to my brain. it might be interesting or possibly concerning. i made it this far. i don’t think we need to worry.


after my brothers birthday i started to low key examine what i wanted to accomplish in 5 years. i gave my self 6 months to figure out what my five year plan till 50 was gonna be. cause 50 is when the shit gets real folks. that is when you start to either live the life of your dreams or cry a slow death with zillow and ice cream as your only friends. since you know i am not a develop a plan and stick to it type of girl, this may sound strange. but the thing is, i want to be. i want to be the sort of person who creates change mindfully in my life by taking daily steps towards what i want.

i identified a few things and feelings i want accomplish by the time i turn 50. some were easy, others less obvious, but i have a pretty good idea of how i want to feel in my body and my relationships. so i worked backward, and got to some basics i can implement now that will get me where i want to go. i simmered them down to 6 actions. i am calling them my non-negotiables. these specific tasks are focused on my health and emotional well being so i may cultivate a self love i lost somewhere in the midst of the pandemic and my movement practice which has fallen by the wayside since we moved to vermont. i am calling it my self - devotional practice, as it is a big act of self love to plan and plod towards something my inner most heart wishes to be true for me. its sexy to love yourself and be proud of oneself and our accomplishments. and so i’m bringing sexy back with these 6 non-negotiable daily actions. am i militant about this? nope. have i rearranged routines within our household so that these things get done? you bet and i have not done other things because i need to sit, or move, or drink water. {some other time i’d love to have a bigger conversation about the things we have to say no to so we may say yes to others. but i digress. }

this dark moon is a wonderful moment to sink into intention. whatever yours may be. mine is bringing sexy back.

the dark moon invites us to focus our intent upon the thing we want to grow, the dream we want to live. as the moon comes to full bloom so does your intent.

each day find your center.

remember your dream, what are you conjuring?

let the building energy of the moon help you find the energy of your dream.

this is the first new moon of the this year. we have time to settle into what it is we want to conjure for ourselves and those we love. you can dream big or small, weird or good. but dream. that is most important. dream of what you want. remember it in your heart every day.

with deep thanks

cathlinstar

tea & tarot

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1.18.2023

this little altar has blossomed, reminding me that tending the vessel brings deep satisfaction. i’m surprised. i guess the magic just floors me. every time.

the tarot asked me to check myself this week. the ace of fire reminding me to do what my heart tells me to and then the ten of swords sort of checking that energy, asking about my motivations. i take this inquisition as a sign to be very specific with my energy and words. to be mindful and precise. to focus my energy on that which serves my big dreams.

prioritizing my daily practice has helped me ground into the energy that plods on the path of the long game. may i continue to find my dedication to self. it makes life so much more enjoyable when i have more capacity for my loved ones because i am full. i’ll be here tending the vessel first thing every day. then tackling the mundane. making sure my motivations are not betraying me.

my week in photos.

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after the advent of cell phones with a camera attached, my attitude to photos changed. or i should say how i take them and store them and share them has evolved. i loved instagram in the beginning when we just took artsy photos, used tons of filters, and wrote cryptic captions. in a way to conjure my creative self, i’ll be sharing some photos of my life. here. where other people can see them. enjoy.

me. in a snowstorm. a few weeks into 45.

snow covered forest path with brook at bottom of hill

farmhouse with windows aglow under the full moon

peach edged clouds lit from a sunset

full moon 1.6.2023

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snowy mountainside with stonewall and valley covered in snowfall.

dear friend,


i have been relishing these first days of the new year. i love to vision all the possibility in the next year. i love a new calendar, a fresh journal, and putting dreams to paper. it is my favorite.

i love it even more because i no longer participate wth social media and i am no longer coaching so i don’t have to sell my love of new year in a wellness package anymore. it just gets to be mine. and is ever more precious because so. do you have any new year rituals?

i am writing, reading and walking with the dog everyday. i have begun teaching myself how to really start a garden from seed. wish me luck. i am bit intimidated. historically my seedling starts are more prayers answered only by the will of a seed to survive than an experiment in thriving production of vegetables. i have not ordered seeds yet and i cannot wait to get my hands on the seed catalogue.

the full moon was magic last night as i drove home. it was immensely foggy and the moon was huge and bright through the fog. she filled my heart when i saw her glowing above the skeletal fingers of bare limbed trees.

i have been paying attention to the outlines of winters trees against the inky sky of night. we walked around the house with the doggo before bed a few times during the geminid meteor shower last month and i was mesmerized by the many different colors of indigo and black, swirling with starlight and clouds. i am in love with the winter night sky. and the lichen! omg! the lichen falling off the trees onto the snow is such a bright green i get so distracted by it as i walk in the woods.

this week i pulled the four of wands. its been hard for me to resonate with the celebratory nature of this card. i am not feeling as if i have accomplished much recently. i’m coming off a year full of big changes, and big emotions. i’ve been low energy, quick to be dejected and pretty distracted from myself and the ritual practices that keep me grounded. it wasn’t until i had a conversation with a dear friend who has an ability to distill reality into very simple and spot on observations; we were talking about what direction i am thinking of moving in professionally and she was able to name my energy in a way that solved a restlessness i have been STRUGGLING with for years. and then the four of wands made a bit more sense to me. i think of accomplishment, as something i have to produce and release to the world for external evaluation and this naming of my energy allowed me to expand my version of accomplishment and let me realize my own wholeness in a way i had been craving. in a way that is much more internally understood and is less about external approval. how freeing. what a wonderful realization to celebrate. to combine my renewed focus of my energy on the ritual practices that keep me grounded in my own care with this celebration of autonomous accomplishment i am pretty stoked for 2023. i’m curious what fruitions are you celebrating in your life right now. under this full moon? how do you feel about 2023?

ballroom yin is on hiatus as there is no heat in the ballroom and it is too cold to practice with no heat. but i do always love to talk all things yin. i am working on a few yin tricks up my sleeve, devising some new ways to support people in their practice and maybe even a retreat of some sorts. if you are ever interested in practicing i have internet capable of zoom now so we can do remote practice. let me know if you are interested in practicing together.

well dear ones, it is always lovely to find you in this space. it is my hope to show up here more honestly this year. heres to the new year!

from my heart to yours,

cathlinstar

to begin again and again = showing up

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to be humbled by the fear of having to start over. as if the maintaining is the prize. the repeated practice. tending the creative void. the practice is the vessel that the creative magic is drawn to because we all know that magic loves a void!!!

my life has changed drastically and not at all.

my wife retired, i shut down my coaching practice, we sold our house and moved to my childhood home in the middle of the southern vermont forest.

writing is one of the ways that i have been able to ground myself in this process of moving home. writing is always the thing i have time for and crave as a way to process what is happening around me. most of it is an exercise in taking the clutter from my brain.

occasionally i learn something about myself. something interesting that stops me in my tracks and floats through the rest of my wake hours. fretting my imagination as i cook dinner, or troubling my focus as i practice asana.

since i have left my coaching practice i feel more free to express my creative experiences. {i haven’t completely unpacked this strange permission granting thing that happened but hey} this process of showing up, of creating a ritual practice is what i am the most interested in. i want to share the process here and hope it leads me to what is the next step in my own evolution.

to begin again and again. to be the beaver rebuilding her dam, the caterpillar within their cocoon.

i am in constant awe of the minute world around me: the lichen, the mushrooms, the red efts, the dew drops on blades of grass all catch my attention and take hold of my imagination. writing after my imagination has been lit by a walk, or quiet sit on a rock allows me to recognize myself amidst change, recognizing the change as part of who i am. not as an experience that takes me away from myself. and from a more practical perspective a life built around being outside, tending the natural world seems to be tantamount.

i am cataloguing these moments of self aware insights so i may realize a life from this transition that brings me great joy and creative abundance.

plants teach us so much

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i am my mothers daughter. every year in the beginning of january i have forced narcissus bulbs. also known as paperwhites narcissus bulbs can be forced to bloom indoors, rather than waiting for their arrival in the beginning of spring. my mother and my grandmother both forced bulbs in the darkness of their cold pantrys while we waited for the snow to release its frozen grasp on our imaginations. february in vermont is a special kind of torture; the season thick dirt of snow banks and the mud of sun thawed dirt roads makes february seem as if it is the longest of months. so forced fragrant blooms inside bring hope.

in the last two years i have started to give narcissus bulbs to family and friends over the holiday season, so they too can have a harbinger of warmth bloom on their coffee tables and kitchen counters. i relish this gift because to be in contact with others as they recognize the joy of plants is a true miracle.

here are a few of this years narcissus joys.

the anticipation of the bloom.

pure joy.

marbles drying on a linen dish towel after serving as soil medium for the narcissus bulbs.

hydration station

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drinking water is a miracle.

yeti water bottle with rainbow heart sticker, two pint mason jars with colored liquid in them, tea cup

i have been struggling to drink water lately. its hard. despite having just put new filters in our fancy pants water filter, filling a glass and putting it to my lips seems harder than ever.

so i am writing to remind myself that when i take my digestive herbs in a glass of water in the morning before i finish my tea i feel better. not because i feel the benefits of the herbs as i digest my rice porridge breakfast, but because taking care of myself feels good. tending to our physical existence is often a task i put on the back burner to the dog walk, the grocery shopping, the email, the news, the chores or post office. i will stare at my email inbox instead of get on the floor and sit in a yin posture. i will drink way too many cups of black tea and oat milk before i pour a glass of water from the filter on the counter.

there is no lesson here. water is life. we all know that. drinking water makes us feel good because we need the water.