Sabbatical Announcement.

I am writing a quick note to tell you that I am taking a bit of a sabbatical from this space.  I have been working behind the scenes to align my work with how I best work.  Meaning that I am starting to focus more energy on in person workshops and group coaching opportunities.  The online creative entrepreneur sphere is a hard space for me to work within because I am so susceptible to comparison spirals, imposter syndrome and 2nd guessing myself into paralysis.  I work hard to honor my intuition in my business and I have found that I trust myself more when I am working 1:1 with folks.  I am more dynamic in person, I love myself more, and I feel as though the work is more aligned with my highest and best self, therefore making me a more pure conduit of service for the collective.  

That being said, I am not planning to go anywhere, I am not closing up shop, I am just shifting focus and that takes lots of writing, planning and creating.  My favorite stuff, other than smashing the patriarchy by teaching self-love.  

So while I may not be posting here for the next month or so know that I am fiercely writing my way into something really big for Walker Whole Health and I can’t wait to share it all with you.  

 

See you in April!

What are you reading?

I have recently been dreaming of facilitating some workshops and a friend asked me where would I have my workshops? my first answer was the library.  Then the other day I read an article about the role that some libraries are taking in organizing as local news outlets and resources.  I have also been thinking about the library in terms of my thoughts around trash and consumption.  I have a pretty severe book collection and in hopes to be buying less this year I find myself making a list of books to take out of the library.  Then I was on a call with @marleegrace and she made a joke about libraries being the original co-working space with has kept me laughing for a week.  Many people seem to have forgotten about the library as community space.  So the library as a community space.  

Awhile back I wrote a little blog post about wanting to read books with other women.  It turned into a google sheet of great books to read.  All of which I will get out of the library.  But I do want to read books with people in person.  Or at least have conversations with people about books they are reading, have read or want to read.

So my ask to you is, what are you reading?

You are worthy of love because you exist.

You know I am a huge proponent of love.  I start all of my work with loving yourself first and foremost. I love love, capital letter love, big gushy love, falling in love, falling out of love, friendship love, and the sparkle in your heart love.  I believe love is the greatest thing we can do for ourselves and each other.  Love has been my greatest teacher and my worst nightmare,  love has brought me to my knees in pain and taught me the joy of auntie hood.  Loving an addict is hard, gruesome and teaches me more and more everyday as I age.  Loving my family seems impossible and satisfying at the same time.  

Love does not look a certain way, have anything to do with diamond rings, and should be celebrated everyday.  

I have always held that relationships ended are not a waste or love lost but rather lessons for our hearts and love to grow from.  A new foundation of understanding if you will.  Have you heard that saying about a broken heart only has more room to open?  

Lately I have been doing a lot of personal writing, writing as healing.  This week something that came up in my writing that I wanted to share was a new way of understanding the love I experience with my partner in reference to the love I chased in my early 20’s.  Without details I will share that I had a lot of relationships in my 20’s and 30’s that were as much about love as they were about feeding snails to Donald Trump.  (If you need reference the only fantasy I ahve about feeding Trump anything pays homage to the movie 9 to 5.)  So… I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years.  This is my longest relationship by far.  For the longest time I thought that my failure at relationships had something to do with my failure at being human.  There must be something wrong with me.  NOPE!!!  I am enough, you are too!

My relationship is hard work, living with someone and being their support takes time and energy, effort and compromise.  And it is because of all this that it lasts. I had a different blog post written for today.  But this seemed more important.  Love.  

Sometimes we have to start small, with our new haircut, our favorite jeans, or the cookie that just tastes so damn good, (gluten free oreo wannabes).  We have to work our way up to our big belly, or lumpy ass.  Or maybe love doesnt’ feel like it’s possible because you survived abuse at the hands of a loved.  But remember this, no matter your life, no matter your politics, no matter your skin, ability, choices, you are worthy of love because you exist.

 

Love is to be celebrated everyday.  I argue that if we truly honor and celebrate love in all ways always, our lives and the life of our planet could be more.  

So if you want to participate in this “holiday” in all its Hallmark glory by all means love someone up, especially if that someone is yourself.  Self is a great place to start.  Because you are worthy of love because you exist.  

in unrelated news we make a lot of fucking trash.

It feels as if I have been travelling to new england almost every weekend since the new year.  On a recent train ride from Vermont to New Jersey I sat in the window seat.  I love riding the train.  It is one of my preferred modes of travel.  Recent Amtrak crashes aside.  At age 21 I rode a train from the 413 to Seattle.  The only disappointment was that we went through the rockies at night.  Needless to say I was looking forward to my ride.  I had some writing to do and was anticipating getting some work done as well.  I did not get any work done and I only wrote a few pages because I was so distracted by the trash.

Granted there is a specific bleakness to rural new england when a recent rain has melted the snow and left piles of plowed gravel and detritus in its stead.  But the light on this Sunday afternoon in mid January was gentle and lovely. Grey linen sheets of clouds hung low and let the sun create moody shadows.  I have always loved winter because one can see the shape of the earth without her full bloom and foliage.  There is a starkness to the slope of a mountainside silhoetted against the trunks of a bare forest that I love.  Unfortunately all of the garbage I saw loomed larger than the winter landscape.  The rotting cars, piles of discarded plastic, forgotten along the train tracks practically screamed to me during my ride.  

I should admit I’ve recently been thinking quite a lot about how much stuff I throw away.  The @trash_canyon_ account on Instagram is a very interesting experiment in examining our relationship to waste and consumerism.  I am currently reading The Year of Less by Cait Flanders.  My only interest in the recent cultural disaster most people call the super bowl is if it was actual #zerowaste as it had been advertised to be.  I can’t seem to find anything post fiasco to know if they were able to meet their goal of 90% waste diversion.  Here at home we have curbside compost, our recycle bin is always full and we have a half bag of trash a week.  So we pay attention to what and how we throw away our waste.  We are the minority.

Trash is everywhere.  I didn’t get my work done on the train because I was fixated by all the trash accumulated on the side of the railroad tracks, against fences, in abandoned parking lots, crumbling buildings, junkyards full of rotting cars, swamps full of trash bags, yards full of rusting yard equipment.  It was overwhelming.  

I am not sure what actions will rise from this overwhelm.  But I felt as if I needed to state my current mindset.  It’s too early to tell how this feeling will weave into my current work.  The least we can do is start talking about our trash, that is the first step to taking responsibility for our actions.  

Wrapping up the #radicalresolution challenge...Be gentle dear souls.

The radical resolution challenge is over.  I really enjoyed the consistency of daily devoted thought about how I want to show up in the world.  Did you?  By the end of 2017 I was craving routine and rhythm so it felt really good to take the space of the daily challenge to understand those cravings and brainstorm how I could develop daily strategy for what I need.  I mentioned in a few previous posts the calling I had through this month to hold my intention close to my chest, as if to tend to its spark and insure its sustainability.  Here I am at the end of January feeling confident with the business strategy I have in place, but more importantly I have created a schedule that has my self care priorities built right in.  Which has stood me in good stead these past few weeks as my boundaries have been tested and my frustrations exhausted.  

If you are interested in more musings about the #radicalresolution challenge and what shape it will be taking from here on you can leave your name and email here and I will put you on the list.  Think access to accountability, some worksheets and prompts.

Today is the blue moon lunar eclipse.  It seems fitting that the #radicalresolution challenge would end on such an auspicious day.   I sat outside on my back steps this morning in the dark, with a cup of tea and some of my amethyst crystals at my feet.  By all accounts these last few weeks have tested me.  So I am working on being gentle with myself, not attaching myself to any one outcome.  Recognizing what I can let go of, where I have capacity and where I feel tight.  Ya know tapping into my intuition and letting that voice guide me.  Because we all know the best laid plans go right out the window sometimes and that shit hurts and feels awkward and then someone ignores you and before you know it your eating an entire box of cookies while watching bbc crime drama.  So I sat outside in the dark.  Breathed in the cold air and the quiet of my neighborhood waking up.  Let myself bask in the cloudy aura of the eclipse I couldn’t see and just sat with all the parts of me that don’t follow that awesome weekly schedule I worked so hard on.  All the parts of me that still think I need to shrink to be me.  I sat with the part of me that doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and go for a walk.  I sat with the part of me that wants to lose weight so I can fit into a cute skirt I saw online.  I gave them all a little bit of my attention so that I feel out how and where they are still attached to me.  

I talk alot about listening to our inner voice, honoring our truth, knowing what we know, feeling at home in our bodies.  Part of the work is looking at the shit that feels wack.  Acknowledging the parts that hurt, or we regret, the parts we don’t want anyone else to know about.  We don’t have to wallow in them, but we do need to know them, understand them, see them, say hello, ask them why they are present, what they need in order to move on.  It isn’t always love and rainbows it’s more often tears and anger and forgiveness.  Remember to save some  forgiveness for ourselves, remember to be gentle with ourselves so we may show up even when it’s really hard and resentment feels easier.