Wrapping up the #radicalresolution challenge...Be gentle dear souls.

The radical resolution challenge is over.  I really enjoyed the consistency of daily devoted thought about how I want to show up in the world.  Did you?  By the end of 2017 I was craving routine and rhythm so it felt really good to take the space of the daily challenge to understand those cravings and brainstorm how I could develop daily strategy for what I need.  I mentioned in a few previous posts the calling I had through this month to hold my intention close to my chest, as if to tend to its spark and insure its sustainability.  Here I am at the end of January feeling confident with the business strategy I have in place, but more importantly I have created a schedule that has my self care priorities built right in.  Which has stood me in good stead these past few weeks as my boundaries have been tested and my frustrations exhausted.  

If you are interested in more musings about the #radicalresolution challenge and what shape it will be taking from here on you can leave your name and email here and I will put you on the list.  Think access to accountability, some worksheets and prompts.

Today is the blue moon lunar eclipse.  It seems fitting that the #radicalresolution challenge would end on such an auspicious day.   I sat outside on my back steps this morning in the dark, with a cup of tea and some of my amethyst crystals at my feet.  By all accounts these last few weeks have tested me.  So I am working on being gentle with myself, not attaching myself to any one outcome.  Recognizing what I can let go of, where I have capacity and where I feel tight.  Ya know tapping into my intuition and letting that voice guide me.  Because we all know the best laid plans go right out the window sometimes and that shit hurts and feels awkward and then someone ignores you and before you know it your eating an entire box of cookies while watching bbc crime drama.  So I sat outside in the dark.  Breathed in the cold air and the quiet of my neighborhood waking up.  Let myself bask in the cloudy aura of the eclipse I couldn’t see and just sat with all the parts of me that don’t follow that awesome weekly schedule I worked so hard on.  All the parts of me that still think I need to shrink to be me.  I sat with the part of me that doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and go for a walk.  I sat with the part of me that wants to lose weight so I can fit into a cute skirt I saw online.  I gave them all a little bit of my attention so that I feel out how and where they are still attached to me.  

I talk alot about listening to our inner voice, honoring our truth, knowing what we know, feeling at home in our bodies.  Part of the work is looking at the shit that feels wack.  Acknowledging the parts that hurt, or we regret, the parts we don’t want anyone else to know about.  We don’t have to wallow in them, but we do need to know them, understand them, see them, say hello, ask them why they are present, what they need in order to move on.  It isn’t always love and rainbows it’s more often tears and anger and forgiveness.  Remember to save some  forgiveness for ourselves, remember to be gentle with ourselves so we may show up even when it’s really hard and resentment feels easier.  

asking questions means sitting with answers.

Its still January despite the fact that this month has evaporated into thin air.  Which means I am over here asking questions and sitting with answers.  Right now that looks like brain dumping, writing every thing out of my head with out stopping.  

And of course the #radicalresolution challenge is in full swing.  I am learning about doing things the way we think we should be doing them rather than the way we would do them.  Its all about intuition again.  Listening.  Knowing what I know.  Trusting my vision.  

This week has been hard.  My energy has felt very contracted as if I have little capacity for expansion.  Strange events with my partners family have only exhausted me physically and emotionally to make already energetically tough week even harder.  Hence this post is late and I am distracted.  

My apologies.  I am working on being gentle with what I know and trusting myself to start.  I look forward to sharing with you.  

May you ask all your questions and find all your answers.  

xo

 

New Year. Who dis?

Reclaiming-New-Years-resolutions

Here at Walker Whole Health we are in the throes of our first ever instagram challenge, and by throes I mean its day three ya'll.  Intention.  But let me back track for a second.

Reclaiming New Years Resolutions.

Living in a fat body is exhausting.  Not because I am carrying around weight but because I carry so much fucking stigma.  And this time of year it is even worse, everybody is selling something that is gonna make me lose weight, get healthy and live the best year of my life.  Reality check.  The only thing that can give me the best year of my life is me.  Nothing I buy will do that for me.

So I was thinking, rather than hide from all the New Year, New You bs, what if I reclaimed new years resolutions for myself?  What if I made a resolution to trust myself, to listen to my own intuition and celebrate my body for all the joy it brings me?

Then I realized that this message of listening to our deepest knowing resonated with others.  People you would never imagine suffer body stigma were like YAAAAS!  Thank you for talking about this.  So I kept talking.  I'm getting louder.  What better way to get people engaged, talking out loud about being in the body they have right now, than to take it to social media.  By now you all know that I don't do f-book.  So an instagram challenge seemed like a good way to reach folks and get a conversation started about loving ourselves as we are right now.  

Cue the #radicalresolution challenge.  Today is day three, intention.  I designed the challenge to get us thinking about our own mindset, tools and practices that can let us give space to our intuition.  How can we love ourselves as we are right now?  What makes us happy?  Where do we get frustrated?  Can we shift our perspective so that we meet ourselves with a gentle understanding and reverence?

Leave a comment below, send me an email, and if you feel inclined; join the challenge, its fun and there are prizes!

xo

Cathlinstar

Reclaiming New Year's Resolutions or how I'm making new years resolutions on my own terms.

radical-resolution-challenge-reclaiming-new-year's-resolution

I love this time of year because I get a new planner and it is a blank slate of possibility.  It is time to take stock of what I have accomplished throughout the year. I find it interesting to examine where my focus is now in reflection to where it was earlier in the year.  That has not always been the case.  My relationship with reflection, resolutions, goals and intentions has changed quite a bit in the last few years of my life and this year it's changing again.  I am reclaiming new year's resolutions.  I am going to make a resolution to trust myself.  It's my #radicalresolution.

I used to hate making a New Year’s resolution.  

Every year I would make the same, join a gym, lose 25 pounds by April, run a 5k in September, kind of resolutions and not keep a single one past the 3rd week of January.  I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t disciplined enough to lose weight.  I spent years of my life trying to cultivate the discipline to go to the gym daily, and lose weight.  After a while I just saw resolutions as a way to set myself up for failure.  Why bother?

After I left the restaurant industry and started to dive into some deep healing work, I realized that I ached for intention.  I wanted to be present enough in my own life that I could have the forethought to be in a space and notice how I felt, maybe even be the master of how I felt.   I wanted to be mindful of my emotions and how I interacted with them.  I started to really examine my reactions to people and how I would spend my energy in those reactions.  I realized that I did not need to exchange energy that did not feel good to me.  I got to choose how invested I would be.  There are plenty of things in life that are annoying and frustrating and we don't want to spend time on, like talking to your internet provider.  I wish I had a person to call the internet company for me, but I don’t, instead I pay attention to how much energy I spend in the conversation, it’s easier being nice and letting it be what it is.  I save my energy for what feels good.  Do the annoying stuff, but don’t be vested.  Invest yourself in what feels good, what fills you back up; with that awareness & mindfulness I was able to realize intent and autonomy. I started to trust what I knew about interactions with others.  That ability to trust my read on a situation is where the deepest healing has occurred for me.  It is in this trusting of myself that then I get to say no thanks to people who judge my size, my health, my gender, my heart.  Instead I get to explore the idea of existing as a sovereign being.  (More about sovereignty later.) 

Then I started my own business.  It is easy to think that running an online business is a piece of cake.  It is not.  The learning curve was steep.  It’s a humbling experience.  I absolutely love it and love the community I have online.  I wouldn’t be here if it were otherwise.  That being said the secret weapon of online business owners everywhere are goals.  Big juicy goals full of action steps and to-do lists.  The kind of goals that planners are built for.  

When I first started working online I was all, I don’t need goals their just a way of setting myself up for failure, (sound familiar? The insecurity of decades of unfulfilled New Year’s resolutions rears its head.)  But then I realized I could pair the intent I had been cultivating with solid actionable goals and transform my love of to-do lists into some serious business planning.

What is even cooler is that when I recognized the power of combining intention and goal setting in my business I started to apply it in my personal life.  Strange how many times we have to learn something to really start to digest the lesson.  This is only how I figured out how to trust myself.  I have said it before and I will say it again, my daily practice is my own, I offer my experience as an example, we get ahead by sharing our strategies.  My daily practice is ever changing.  Your daily practice to trust yourself and feel at home in your body is your own.  When I was able to take my intent and my mindfulness so much space opened up for my life.  By trusting in what I knew I let go of so much bullshit that was not serving me.  In this trust I am able to feel at home in my body, I don't apologize for who I am or how much space I take up in the world.  By knowing what I know I get to show up in my body and be happy about it.  

I am reclaiming New Year's resolution making.

I am making a #radicalresolution to trust myself. Wanna join me?  No more setting ourselves up for failure; instead this resolution is all about trusting what we know.  This resolution is about listening to ourselves and acting from a space of celebration.  I want to hold space for us to act from a deep sense of knowing.  I want to help other women hear their voices.  

Join Me for the #radicalresolution challenge on Instagram!  Starting January 1st 2018 I will send you an email prompt centered around some serious self love.  I designed the challenge as a way to explore actions of self expression.  This can be a fun photo challenge or you can take it deeper and work with the topics from a soul centered space, either way it’s about taking up space for ourselves and each other.  Oh and fun!  Lots of fun!

A Radical Resolution: trust yourself

I don't know about you but there are a few lessons in my life that I come up against over and over again.  To be frank my lesson is rooted in the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic parent.   I have done lots of work around this reality and how to live with the emotional impact of it.  I have had major breakthroughs and severe setbacks.  Each time I go through a cycle of learning this particular lesson, I come away with a bit more understanding of how I can move through it.

I recently realized that having spent my childhood on eggshells, never allowed me to sit in my own time and knowing.  Which is what I have been searching for in my adult life: the part of me that knows what I know.   I have rarely been good at asking for my worth when it comes to my pay, I second guess my business acumen, and I fall right down a comparison spiral when I start scrolling on social media.  

I know that I am here to learn these lessons, but at a certain point the resistance to learning the lesson is where the growth is right?  My resistance to sitting in the painful hurt of not trusting my self is the exact space where I will learn how to sit with myself.  

This lesson has shown up again and again.  In different people, circumstances, jobs, housing situations, I have found this thread of resistance to my true knowing of me.  Almost as if I seek them out.  So until now I thought the work was about loving my body, living on my own terms.  I thought I just needed to develop such and such a habit, a certain discipline, follow a certain resolution, find the right planner, make a plan, build a system, go to yoga class regularly, lose weight, find my person, make a certain amount of money, etc etc etc.  What I am realizing is that the systems are just a crutch.  They are getting in the way of me knowing myself.  Because I am imposing should in my life.  I am putting in place organization where intuition is actually the point.  

Trusting my intuition is the lesson that comes back to me.  So what if I were to look at what gets me closer to my intuition rather than making to do lists, and filling out blocks of time on my calendar?  What would it look like to make resolutions around what I know to be true for me, rather than others?

Here comes my radical resolution, to trust what I know.  This time of year is hard for a lot of people.  It is full of expectations, rampant consumerism, and heteronormative familial expectations.  Not to mention all the 'new year : new you' marketing that gets shoved down our throats.  What if we set all of that aside, or participated with it on our own terms, and really tapped into what our new year could hold.  Is there a way that I can show up in this new year so that I can really tackle this lesson that rears its head in my life repeatedly?  Is there a way I can invite myself to the table?  Can I make space for the part of me I am scared of?  Can I open myself to trusting me to do the thing that feels long term, satisfying, full of sustainable energy for me to be me?

I am hosting a radical resolution challenge.  It is an instagram challenge.  It is based on the tools I use to help me feel my most me.  It is part witch, part reclaimation, part body positivity, part mindful, part fuck it.  I am painfully aware that my journey to self looks very different than your journey to self.  I mean we are different people after all.  But I do know that the more methodologies and modalities I introduce to myself the more tools I understand and have at my disposal.