Monday the universe yelled at me. It wasn't pretty crying, it was sobbing guffaws and catching my breath through the tears. It was the realization that I have a lot of work to do. So today I took it slow. I was gentle with myself. Self care in action.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about balance and how vital it is to my sanity and success. I have always thought of balance as something that I have to achieve. As if there is a magical formula to being balanced. It has always been a very stagnant concept in my mind. Something to attain and then hold to with clenched fists. But that hasn't worked for me. I am still searching as if hunting pirate treasure at the bottom of the sea. So today, as I sunk into my favorite chair with a juicy book and my third cup of tea, I realized I was balancing. My willingness to be gentle with myself after having an emotional rollercoaster day on Monday was balance. I was balancing the high energy of the universe yelling at me with the calm of being quiet and following my nose rather than my to do list.
Balance \'bal-ən(t)s\ n [ME, fr. OF, fr. (assumed) VL bilancia, fr. LL bilanc-, bilanx having two scalepans, fr. L bi-+ lanc-, lanx plate] (13c) 1 : an instrument for weighing: as a : a beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends b : a device that uses the elasticity of a spiral spring for measuring weight or force c : cap : LIBRA 2 : a means of judging or deciding 3 : a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence 4 : a vibrating wheel operating with a hairspring to regulate the movement of a timepiece 5 a : stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis b : equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements c : equality between the totals of the two sides of an account 6 a : an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements b : the juxtaposition in writing of syntactically parallel constructions containing similar or contrasting ideas 7 a : physical equilibrium b : the ability to retain one's balance 8 a : weight of force of one side in excess of another b : something left over : REMAINDER c : an amount in excess esp. on the credit side of an account 9 : mental and emotional steadiness
Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary
When I am stuck or stagnant I will often read the dictionary for inspiration.
elasticity. deciding. stability. equipoise. integration. juxtaposition. steadiness. These words spoke to me. They illuminated a new way of understanding how I can cultivate balance in my life. They helped me to hear what the universe is yelling at me. They are how I am going to move forward into those dark tender spaces in order to love myself more fully. Thanks universe. I get it. I hear ya. I am going to do the work.