the magic of noticing


in february i went to center space in grand rapids michigan to write for ten days.  i lived with strangers and internet friends for over a week and made art and cooked food and watched the world.  while there, a new friend commented on my tendency to share things i noticed in the natural world, squirrels eating outside the kitchen window for instance.  ever since that comment i have been really examining the way i notice the world.  and of course i related it back to plants, and now i am teaching a workshop this weekend called the magic of noticing.   

so i have been researching noticing, and what happens when we notice the world around us.  the magic of noticing is an opportunity to make time expand.  it is about realizing the present moment and recognizing that we have free will in that moment.  that we can be how we want to be as we are right now.  this is not about accepting the circumstances, it is about realizing where we have agency and making change.  your change may be big, maybe its small but it starts with noticing.  i told you i related this back to plants of course.  houseplants specifically but now even outside is full of small things growing that we can notice.

go outside. notice something alive.

so this free will that we exercise is really powerful and we can harness it and understand it when we use noticing as a tool.  noticing starts pretty small, minutia, but once we get good at noticing we can start to really notice bigger things. noticing is a tool we can use to build connection.  this is not surprising.  but its juicy.  

noticing gives us the power to really feel where we are, in our body, in our surroundings, in our homes, in our work environments,  when we begin to notice how our body feels when we are in a certain place and time we begin to make connections about our body and our feelings in that specific time and space. are you still with me?

connection. what happens when we are in connection with living beings around us? how can we be of service to the living beings we share space with?  this is where the real magic of noticing hits us. it is the moment we realize that we are part of bigger natural systems. when we are able to notice our connection to the natural world, whether we struggle with the time change of daylight savings time, or we crave sweeter richer foods in the fall or we feel as if we will explode in february if there is not a sunny warm day soon. often these moments of recognition are distilling a frustration or a disconnect we have with the universe around us. note that it can feel easier to notice discomfort before comfort, pain is information after all. these moments of noticing, that illuminate our part in the cycles of the earth are invitations to use our free will to make the tiniest shift towards feeling good, or better in your moment. perhaps reconciling the disconnect we have with the earth is what this noticing is best for. i don’t know. but i know that my noticing brings me into the present, brings me the gift of realizing and recognizing how i am connected to the natural world, i am a part of it, no matter how removed from it i feel. i am an animal, the rhythms of the earth affect my existence and noticing brings me deeper connection and understanding of this truth.

a huge component of my research in to noticing has been reciprocity. noticing is about being in relation with the world around you, and fostering deeper connection with your world. when we do this work, we begin to understand the reciprocal nature of our being in relation with other living beings. what we tend to grows, literally and figuratively. what we cultivate and use grows stronger, what we notice blooms.

Sabbatical Announcement.

I am writing a quick note to tell you that I am taking a bit of a sabbatical from this space.  I have been working behind the scenes to align my work with how I best work.  Meaning that I am starting to focus more energy on in person workshops and group coaching opportunities.  The online creative entrepreneur sphere is a hard space for me to work within because I am so susceptible to comparison spirals, imposter syndrome and 2nd guessing myself into paralysis.  I work hard to honor my intuition in my business and I have found that I trust myself more when I am working 1:1 with folks.  I am more dynamic in person, I love myself more, and I feel as though the work is more aligned with my highest and best self, therefore making me a more pure conduit of service for the collective.  

That being said, I am not planning to go anywhere, I am not closing up shop, I am just shifting focus and that takes lots of writing, planning and creating.  My favorite stuff, other than smashing the patriarchy by teaching self-love.  

So while I may not be posting here for the next month or so know that I am fiercely writing my way into something really big for Walker Whole Health and I can’t wait to share it all with you.  


See you in April!

Wrapping up the #radicalresolution challenge...Be gentle dear souls.

The radical resolution challenge is over.  I really enjoyed the consistency of daily devoted thought about how I want to show up in the world.  Did you?  By the end of 2017 I was craving routine and rhythm so it felt really good to take the space of the daily challenge to understand those cravings and brainstorm how I could develop daily strategy for what I need.  I mentioned in a few previous posts the calling I had through this month to hold my intention close to my chest, as if to tend to its spark and insure its sustainability.  Here I am at the end of January feeling confident with the business strategy I have in place, but more importantly I have created a schedule that has my self care priorities built right in.  Which has stood me in good stead these past few weeks as my boundaries have been tested and my frustrations exhausted.  

If you are interested in more musings about the #radicalresolution challenge and what shape it will be taking from here on you can leave your name and email here and I will put you on the list.  Think access to accountability, some worksheets and prompts.

Today is the blue moon lunar eclipse.  It seems fitting that the #radicalresolution challenge would end on such an auspicious day.   I sat outside on my back steps this morning in the dark, with a cup of tea and some of my amethyst crystals at my feet.  By all accounts these last few weeks have tested me.  So I am working on being gentle with myself, not attaching myself to any one outcome.  Recognizing what I can let go of, where I have capacity and where I feel tight.  Ya know tapping into my intuition and letting that voice guide me.  Because we all know the best laid plans go right out the window sometimes and that shit hurts and feels awkward and then someone ignores you and before you know it your eating an entire box of cookies while watching bbc crime drama.  So I sat outside in the dark.  Breathed in the cold air and the quiet of my neighborhood waking up.  Let myself bask in the cloudy aura of the eclipse I couldn’t see and just sat with all the parts of me that don’t follow that awesome weekly schedule I worked so hard on.  All the parts of me that still think I need to shrink to be me.  I sat with the part of me that doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and go for a walk.  I sat with the part of me that wants to lose weight so I can fit into a cute skirt I saw online.  I gave them all a little bit of my attention so that I feel out how and where they are still attached to me.  

I talk alot about listening to our inner voice, honoring our truth, knowing what we know, feeling at home in our bodies.  Part of the work is looking at the shit that feels wack.  Acknowledging the parts that hurt, or we regret, the parts we don’t want anyone else to know about.  We don’t have to wallow in them, but we do need to know them, understand them, see them, say hello, ask them why they are present, what they need in order to move on.  It isn’t always love and rainbows it’s more often tears and anger and forgiveness.  Remember to save some  forgiveness for ourselves, remember to be gentle with ourselves so we may show up even when it’s really hard and resentment feels easier.  

A Radical Resolution: trust yourself

I don't know about you but there are a few lessons in my life that I come up against over and over again.  To be frank my lesson is rooted in the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic parent.   I have done lots of work around this reality and how to live with the emotional impact of it.  I have had major breakthroughs and severe setbacks.  Each time I go through a cycle of learning this particular lesson, I come away with a bit more understanding of how I can move through it.

I recently realized that having spent my childhood on eggshells, never allowed me to sit in my own time and knowing.  Which is what I have been searching for in my adult life: the part of me that knows what I know.   I have rarely been good at asking for my worth when it comes to my pay, I second guess my business acumen, and I fall right down a comparison spiral when I start scrolling on social media.  

I know that I am here to learn these lessons, but at a certain point the resistance to learning the lesson is where the growth is right?  My resistance to sitting in the painful hurt of not trusting my self is the exact space where I will learn how to sit with myself.  

This lesson has shown up again and again.  In different people, circumstances, jobs, housing situations, I have found this thread of resistance to my true knowing of me.  Almost as if I seek them out.  So until now I thought the work was about loving my body, living on my own terms.  I thought I just needed to develop such and such a habit, a certain discipline, follow a certain resolution, find the right planner, make a plan, build a system, go to yoga class regularly, lose weight, find my person, make a certain amount of money, etc etc etc.  What I am realizing is that the systems are just a crutch.  They are getting in the way of me knowing myself.  Because I am imposing should in my life.  I am putting in place organization where intuition is actually the point.  

Trusting my intuition is the lesson that comes back to me.  So what if I were to look at what gets me closer to my intuition rather than making to do lists, and filling out blocks of time on my calendar?  What would it look like to make resolutions around what I know to be true for me, rather than others?

Here comes my radical resolution, to trust what I know.  This time of year is hard for a lot of people.  It is full of expectations, rampant consumerism, and heteronormative familial expectations.  Not to mention all the 'new year : new you' marketing that gets shoved down our throats.  What if we set all of that aside, or participated with it on our own terms, and really tapped into what our new year could hold.  Is there a way that I can show up in this new year so that I can really tackle this lesson that rears its head in my life repeatedly?  Is there a way I can invite myself to the table?  Can I make space for the part of me I am scared of?  Can I open myself to trusting me to do the thing that feels long term, satisfying, full of sustainable energy for me to be me?

I am hosting a radical resolution challenge.  It is an instagram challenge.  It is based on the tools I use to help me feel my most me.  It is part witch, part reclaimation, part body positivity, part mindful, part fuck it.  I am painfully aware that my journey to self looks very different than your journey to self.  I mean we are different people after all.  But I do know that the more methodologies and modalities I introduce to myself the more tools I understand and have at my disposal.  



Plants heal. Lesson #121,577

Plants. Heal.

So I have always loved plants.  I have a houseplant problem.  My wifi network is welcome to the jungle.  I had a friend who would count all of my houseplants before he left my house every time he came over.  He lived downstairs, he was there a lot.  Most often there were more plants than the time he counted before.  As we were preparing to move across the country my partner had to establish a rule that I was not to buy any houseplants till we were in our new house.  

I do not collect plants for the sake of collecting, rather it is the relationships I have with my plants that spur my collection.  Each one is a meditation in sustaining life and showing up.  My plants have taught  me lessons in routine, consistency, moving, letting go of what is no longer serving, resilience, thirst, famine, beauty, and breathe.  That is not an exhausted list, there are more lessons.

Often when people come to my house they are amazed by how many plants there are and how they seem to be everywhere.  They express surprise at their maintenance.  They proclaim they can't keep plants alive.  I would argue that the plants have kept me alive.  Because the secret of a plant, is that its only purpose is to grow.   It wants nothing more than to be its biggest version of its self and it will sacrifice in order to persevere.  

So the daily practice of having plants can be the analogy for the daily practice of trusting myself.  It is the repeated intuitive needs of plants that invite me to show up in my own knowing of my worth.  It is the relationship of responsibility for their life that demonstrates how to trust in what I know.  

I know this is a bit out there.  #woowooasfuck some might say.  But I am completely serious.  For me it is houseplants, and my garden, what is it for you?  Is there something in your life that sustains you?  Where do you learn your lessons?  How can you honor that something?  Do you prioritize it?  Could you write it at the top of a gratitude list?  Share it with people you care about?